I moved!!! After months of agonizing over a break-up with my boyfriend, I finally have found some wind beneath my wings. Am I completely over what happened? NO! How could I be? I have come to realize that there were many underlying issues with myself that I needed to resolve before I could start the healing process.
So… after another failed relationshit… I decided to take matters in my own hands and find myself again. Instead of complaining about never being able to find love, it was time for changes in my life before I am able to find love.
Since December, I have spent endless hours crying, being angry, begging & pleading, and rode the emotional rollercoaster looking for someone to save me from my pain. The reality of it all is… it isn’t the men I date, but the men that I choose to date. I seem to always pick the emotionally unavailable, need to be saved type of men and then wonder why it all blows up in my face and am hurt. Its time to break the pattern and hopefully I will find hopeless, unbelievable love that everyone wishes they find one day.
Due to these realizations in my life, I have moved to the Adirondacks with my brother after another WRONG guy has graced himself in my life, made me cry, sucked the life out of me, and no matter what I said or did was good enough. I AM AMAZING and any guy that doesn’t want to protect me, be my best friend, or let me walk out of his life without a fight…. NEVER deserved me. After hitting the bottom of Heartache Canyon, bouncing up and crashing down again, I turned to my amazing brother for a way out of where I was. I went from being a 30-yr old single, live-at-home with my parents, seasonal job coming to an end, no personal space to starting the treck to being me again.
Although, I miss my mom, sissy and rest of the family, I decided that in the end I want a family and all the things everyone else around me has. My brother offered me an opportunity of a lifetime and was exactly what I needed to escape the toxic lifestyle I was leading and never escaping.
Enter Saranac Lake, NY. I was scared, sad, angry with Keith for breaking my already cracked heart, pressured by my family to stay due to their own selfish reasons, and basically unhappy. As I was driving to the coldest place in New York State, I was crying.. hoping that Keith would ask for me to stay and/or want me. The further I drove away from Rochester, NY, and all the nonsense and hurt and pain associated with it, the tears changed from sadness to tears of empowerment and potential happiness in my future. At this point, I deemed this my Fresh Start…. a new chapter in my life. I control my own fate up here… my success, my choice in love (if I choose too), my choice in friends, and my choice in being ME again.
So I am now starting a new chapter in my life… and am going to chronicle it all for everyone to read, and hopefully I can learn from my own mistakes and will find an emotional balance in my life, as well as happiness within myself.
Join me as I write the pages in my new chapter and be prepared for the ups, downs, twists, turns, tears, sweat, and my journey to fix all the cracks in my heart!
